He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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