we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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