Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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