isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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