corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
