That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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