oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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