So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
