so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
