I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
