I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
