The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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