Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
