I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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