He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
