I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
