Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
