guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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