he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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