first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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