Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
