what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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