Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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