I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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