Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
