Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
