I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
