take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
