don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
