so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
