I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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