my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
