dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did i walk over a car last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
