I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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