If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
