I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
