was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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