i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
