dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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