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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
