____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
