I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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