Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
