I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
