when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
