i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
