And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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