Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I faked an abortion last night.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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