your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
