I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your cock deserves a montage
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
