He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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