It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
