When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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