it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
