I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
